You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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