She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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