I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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