Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
