the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
