They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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