so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
