Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
