When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
