I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
