I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would ride that face into the sunset
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
