my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
