nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize