Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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