They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
