Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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