Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
