can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Text me some of your sweat
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize