i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
