There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
