You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
