"it" just moved
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize