My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
