plz talk dirty to me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
