addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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