i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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