i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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