Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
