"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
