dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is wine microwaveable?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
