Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
