so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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