I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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