sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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