Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
