i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize