Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
