I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
