He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
