Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
