I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize