Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
