You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
