If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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