The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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