shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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