whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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