it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
