Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
