Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
