New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
