she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
