stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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