im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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