Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
