I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
