I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
