How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize