my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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