Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Randomize
