My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize