Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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