New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
