you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
