if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
