so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize