By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize