apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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