PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
