"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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