you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
