oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
